Love and vulnerability

Recently I have had the rare opportunity to soften my heart, and strip away the barriers I have put up around it.  Thanks to my wonderful partner.

Entering into a new relationship has been a time of untold blessings.

I have never before felt so connected with, and in love with, someone.

I have told him things that I have never shared with anyone else.  I have let him see the “real me”.  And I have laid my heart bare.

Which has left me feeling very vulnerable and exposed.

Something that I am not familiar with.

Over the 10 years of my marriage (and subsequent marriage breakdown), I put up a lot of barriers to protect myself.  I tried to block the intense pain and suffering I was experiencing.  I dissociated, just to get through each day.

Those barriers made me feel stronger, and like I could cope.

When my marriage fell apart, everything fell apart.  And I was forced to examine all the ways I shielded myself.  And deluded myself.  

Because, in the end, all I was left with was me.  And the barriers around me.

I spent a lot of months grieving.  For the loss of the life that I had.  For what could have been.  

And through that grieving, and making time for sadness, there was a profound healing.  It was a time of immense personal and spiritual growth.

However it took this new relationship for me to finally break down the last remaining barriers that I had put up.

And I have been left feeling vulnerable and tender.

But it’s not a bad thing.

It’s an opportunity to touch in on that tenderness for the first time.  

The ground may be shaky, and unfamiliar, but I refuse to let those barriers go back up.

I vow to stick here with the uncertainty, and the vulnerability, and the tenderness.  I vow to relax in the midst of chaos.

And I vow to keep softening and opening my heart.

 

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About istopforsuffering

A page created to help spread love and kindness and positivity. Dedicated to making this world a better place, and making a difference in people's lives.

17 responses to “Love and vulnerability

  1. I’m so happy to hear how happy you are, Meg.
    This was wonderful to read.
    *hugs*

  2. This is so, so beautiful. Thank you for sharing such tenderness.

  3. Very nicely said. It sounds like your heart is open to wonderful things. Let them happen!

  4. Reblogged this on Namaste Consulting Inc. and commented:
    Beautifully honest blog post. Was very touched by this today. . . maybe because I have been focusing a lot myself on living soft and kind hearted in a situation that feels unsafe for even a closed off heart. I admire the honest, courage, and hard work shown here. What a loving experience!

  5. Yes!! thank you for posting!!

  6. that is so nice that you have met someone you can feel you can be open with and bare your soul. i am still hoping for one like you have for myself…………..i am so happy for you

  7. Terry – thank you so much for your comment. And I wish the same for you, with all my heart. I still can’t quite believe I have been so lucky. After 35 years, to have found my soulmate.

  8. Let’s hope the safety that is allowing you to open persists.

  9. I’m very happy for you Meg. I have been married for 16 years and I know that I need to get out of that relationship, but it is so scary. I always tell myself that once I will be free, i promise myself to never fall in love again, never be in any relationship again. Your posts give me hope as they show me another option ❤

    • Please don’t ever give up hope darling Nikky. The thing that I have found in recent times is that good things come to good people. Even if it takes a while. And you have been through more than anyone should ever have to. So I feel very confident that VERY beautiful things are waiting for you ♥

      • Thank you so much Meg. Your words mean a lot to me. You help me in every post you are writing and through your replies too. I am also happy that you know what I have been through, because that means you read some of my Blog posts too, and that makes my heart smile 🙂

  10. Beautifully said! I’ve found that when I’ve made myself vulnerable the response I’ve most often received from others is a feeling of trust, connectedness, and courage. Of course, until I started blogging I tended to be somwewhat selective as with whom I would allow myself to be vulnerable. With blogging, I’m vulnearable to anyone who takes the tie to read my blog. And what I got when I did so was wave after wave of love, appreciation, kindness, and connectness. You know, I could get used to this!

    Russ

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