I made a comment to my BFF on Friday night that 2017 has been really awful. Okay maybe I used a few profanities in there to describe it as well lol.
I’ve been thinking on that statement since and I’m not sure that it has exactly a bad year as such…. rather I suspect in hindsight that it’s just life now.
I think perhaps I need to not classify it as good or bad. But just roll with it and accept the reality.
My Dad visited me on Friday because he wanted to go through my Mum’s stuff. He’s been very focused on wanting to get this done. We haven’t discussed it but I suspect he just doesn’t want Mum’s belongings around to remind him. He was suffering greatly on Friday…. perhaps because we were going through everything.
He cried openly for a long period of time. We talked about the fact it had been 8 weeks since she passed. And how hard it still is.
We’ve also lost my Dad’s cousin since – she passed away 2 weeks ago. She was the most beautiful, kind and gentle lady. I will miss her greatly.
Those 8 weeks since Mum passed have seemed to have flown by to me, but to Dad they have inched along. It feels like 8 years to him without his best friend and soulmate.
To me I still can’t process it – I will never speak to my Mum again. I can say it easily – “my Mum passed away”. But when I really think about that… she passed away… she died. I still can’t accept it.
While my Dad was here crying I received a message on my phone.
I opened it and my world was rocked again….
A friend – someone I have known for 20 years – decided to take his own life on Friday morning.
I’m still trying to come to terms with it. It was unexpected and it was a horrible death. And even more so I’m upset for his daughter (essentially my niece). She’s not much older than my own child and I can’t begin to imagine how her world has been torn apart.
Hence my earlier comment to my BFF about 2017 so far. It’s seen:
The breakdown of my long term relationship.
The loss of my Mum, and the extremely traumatic events surrounding that.
Significant work stress.
The loss of my Dad’s cousin who I was close to.
My child being placed on anti-psychotic medication.
My friend taking his own life.
I think though it can’t be called a ‘bad year’. It just is.
I can’t see 2017 suddenly becoming stress free and uneventful….
My Great Uncle is 94 and we could lose him any day. I wait for the phone call ever single day and I have for a long time. Somehow he keeps hanging on.
I worry about the stress of these events on my Dad who is also in poor health.
I have a long road ahead of my with my son.
Work won’t change either – that is what it is.
My own health is very dicey at the best of times.
Sometimes I look at others around me and feel envious that they don’t seem to have stress in their lives. I try hard not to do that though. Because it doesn’t help to put my life in one “basket” and see theirs as being perfect.
It’s just a matter of trying to make the most of life as it’s dealt. To find the joy in the small things. To try to keep smiling and keep positive.