I’ve mentioned before that when my ex-husband left (coming up 8 years ago… where has time gone…) that I was lucky enough to read a book “Storms can’t hurt the sky“.
That book changed everything for me, and I’ve written about that before. But lately I’ve been thinking about that particularly analogy….
Storms can’t hurt the sky
I like it, and it’s true. It’s a key concept in Buddhism that you should let emotions and experiences come and go – like clouds across the sky.
But what if the storm takes a long time to pass?
That’s what I’ve been reflecting on lately.
What if the storm is like in Alien Covenant (bear with me lol) where it can take months or even years to pass?
I remember many years ago now an ex mentioned to me that he couldn’t believe I hadn’t been jaded by my experiences in life. That I was still so trusting and full of hope. And that was something that meant a lot to me – I felt like I had so much enthusiasm for life, and “sparkle”. I saw sunshine and rainbows everywhere. I thought everything and everyone was fantastic. I was probably in hindsight really painful lol.
And then life happened. Just one thing after another for the last 4 years.
A very troubled partner who put me through hell and then ended up cheating on me. … which I think had the biggest effect on me personally of everything that’s happened.
Also another less than easy relationship that followed. Living with a partner with significant health issues. The loss of my 8 year job. Starting a new job with a high amount of responsibility and pressure. My mum passing away in traumatic circumstances. Two other members of my family also passing away this year. A friend taking his own life this month. My child threatening my life and his and being placed on medication. Several different cancer scares for me. Etc etc.
My son is currently seeing a child psychologist and child psychiatrist, and I gave a brief overview of our lives/history. And the psychiatrist said “wow you’ve really had a tough life”. And to be truthful I hadn’t even mentioned even half of what has happened. I just shrugged and said it is what it is.
Which is true. And I mentioned that comment to someone and he said – “it’s not really a hard life you’ve just had a lot of challenges”.
But I wonder how many tough experiences does it take before you are changed irreversibly? Or is it possible to hold true to your key values regardless of what life throws at you?
I guess that’s what I’m pondering. How to find again that sense of optimism I used to have in spades.
I feel like lately I’m often just pushing through life without the joy that I used to have. I used to go to the shops smiling and actively looking for people to help and cheer up. But now I just keep my head down and do what needs to be done. Which isn’t me.
I’m considering writing a gratitude journal. And perhaps clearly writing out my intentions again.
There’s no question that 2017 (and before) has been challenging. It has also been amazing though. With the people we have met, the existing friends we have, and our very first overseas trip coming up to look forward.
Maybe it’s just a matter of slowly rebuilding that boundless enthusiasm. And also having absolute trust and faith that life is now on the right track.
And without question concentrating on the amazing people in my life that make my heart swell ♥