This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it’s over
Just hear this and then I’ll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you’ll ever know
199.5 hours since my Mum passed away and we laid her to rest and said our very last goodbye.
I’ve been dreading today.
The whole experience has been devastating – seeing her in ICU, seeing her cling to life, her suffering, saying our goodbyes (numerous times) and then her eventual passing. But somehow the funeral felt the most painful of all.
To some extent her death didn’t feel real. And I’ve tried not to dwell on it, I’ve thrown myself into work, I’ve tried to push through….
But the funeral meant actually acknowledging the fact that I will never see or talk to her again.
And it was hard.
Dad picked the most beautiful, sad and haunting songs. “My love will go on”, “Time to say goodbye”, “Have I told you lately”… man I’d tear up at the best of times hearing those without the circumstances!
But as hard as that way, the main thing I felt, and still do, was the love and support around me.
Today I had everyone that mattered to me most in the world around me (even Mum).
There were my best friends, people I’ve grown up with, cousins, “second families”, men I considered to be 2nd dad’s.
It’s sobering to think that sometimes we only see those that we love most in situations like these.
I do wish it had been in better circumstances but my heart swelled to see them – some of who I hadn’t seen in almost 30 years.
Maybe the stand out moment for me today was seeing someone I didn’t realise was coming. … And it was the best thing in the world to see him.
Steve was my best friend for a long time – we first met almost 20 years ago through work. I loved him dearly – so much so I asked him to be my “best man” when I got married. I always have been a bit eccentric lol. He also threw me my hen’s night and my baby shower. As life often happens though we drifted apart as each of us were busy in our own lives. 11 years had passed since I last saw him, and to have him there – unexpectedly – was something I will always cherish.
There was also my previous boss Mark who I love dearly. As well as my parents best friends Jan and Gary (who I consider second parents and whom I grow up with). And so many other people I hold dear.
The service itself was beautiful. But to see those I love most, and to spend time with them and have their support was priceless ♥