I decided on Friday night to deactivate my Facebook.
That sentence above is HUGE for me. It should probably come with its own sound effects and lighting.
For 8 years I have more or less lived my life through Facebook. I would spend hours each day trawling through posts, liking and commenting and sharing my own story. I tried to use it to make the world a better place as much as I could. And I used to joke (although it wasn’t joking) that I would rather remove my own leg than deactivate my Facebook.
So what changed?
I guess that I did.
It has been building for a while. I can recognise my own failings when it comes to Facebook. I’m too open. By nature I am a ‘sharer’. I bare my heart and soul and in doing so allow I invite others into my life. And sometimes that’s a mistake.
I’m also highly sensitive, and the behaviour of people I considered friends really hurt me.
One particular person I considered a friend used to vaguebook about me constantly – posting passive aggressive attacks aimed at me, but without the courage to talk to me directly. Mostly because the image/story she’d created about her life and partner was at risk. And eventually the truth did come out – as it always does – and she didn’t want to face it so she blocked me.
It was this example of the world of Facebook that was really the last straw for me. It can be such a fake world. People hiding behind their keyboards attacking others, whist trying to portray a certain image (created) of their own lives.
It’s been a wonderful learning experience for me to walk away from it.
I’m no longer tied to my phone. It creeps up on you how pervasive Facebook can be. So many hours spent living in other people’s lives and not in your own.
It hasn’t been smooth sailing though – after 8 years it’s been so much a part of my daily routine. I’m finding myself absent-mindedly picking up my phone to get my “fix” and then feeling somewhat lost that it doesn’t exist anymore.
But since I walked away the world has opened up for me.
I’m actually reaching out to people in the analog world, and building on those friendships that are important to me.
I’m spending quality time with people without one eye on Facebook.
The other night I sat with Mr ISFS curled up in his arms reading a book, and it was pure bliss.
All that matters to me is Mr ISFS and my family. They are my world. Mr ISFS himself used to have Facebook, but walked away from it several years ago without looking back. I always admired his strength, and now that I have done it myself I can totally understand why he did it.
And in some ways walking away from Facebook is also an act of solidarity with him.
He will always be the most important person to me ♥