Please don’t make me adult

I’m finding life a bit difficult at the moment.  Just one of those days that I’m overloaded, and stressed, and missing my Mum.

Sometimes on days like this it feels like it’s hard to shrug it off.  And I hate that it’s gotten me down, it’s just not like me to be glum.

But it can be challenging to be all things to all people.  Especially when you really want to.

My Dad needs me so much at the moment – and my heart breaks for him.  As each day goes past he’s missing my Mum more.  In the first days/weeks he was kept busy organising her funeral and all the arrangements.  And it was also a relief to him to see that she’s not suffering anymore.

But now reality is sinking in.  He misses all the little things.  He told me tearfully that every time he walked in the door from bowls and call out “I’m home love” and Mum would reply “Hi love”.  Now their apartment is empty.

Dad has also started the hard task of sorting through all her personal affects.  Giving away the food that she would eat (that he wouldn’t).  Getting rid of her clothes.

For me not only do I miss her dreadfully, but I’m also stretched dangerously thin.

My almost 12yo has ASD and his behaviour has become increasingly worse as he gets older and goes through puberty.  He is violent and aggressive and honestly just completely unpleasant.  We’ve been seeing a child psychologist and they have declared him an emergency case and are getting a psychiatric team involved and putting him on medication.

And it’s great that we are getting help, but in the meantime it’s just 24/7 hell.  To have my child address me constantly as “butthole face” instead of Mum is pretty hurtful.  And to be constantly yelled at and physically assaulted. You have to wonder as a parent where you went wrong.

Meanwhile I’m working 14 hour days through the week, and then working the weekends as well.  And it’s never ending.  I’m expected to be available 24/7, and I love my job and I’ve always hard that work ethic, but even I am feeling overloaded.

But no job = no money = no house.

It’s hard to know exactly where the limit of my ability to cope is, but I must be getting close.

Juggling my Dad, work, my child…

But I know that this too will pass.  Some days are going to be harder than others, particularly when it comes to adjusting to my Mum being gone.

I’m just blessed to have the people in my life that I do.  They keep me going.

On Saturday  went to Parkrun early in the morning and my heart was so full with love from my friends.  I had so many genuine hugs, and lovely conversations with people.  The people in my life mean the world to me – absolutely no question.  These people show me such genuine love and support and I am truly blessed.

I’d be lost without them ❤

Parkrun besties

 

 

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About istopforsuffering

A page created to help spread love and kindness and positivity. Dedicated to making this world a better place, and making a difference in people's lives.

6 responses to “Please don’t make me adult

  1. Judy Gillespie

    Ok – I’m calling it!

    Feel free to call me mean, bossy, interferring, pushy (or worse) but you can not keeping working extended hours and weekends and still be able to manage all the other emotional challenges in your life at the moment. You just can’t. And I don’t care how much you love your job. You have to love yourself the most first and foremost – and that means saying no to work ouside the agreed upon (reasonable) hours. And that means not opening your laptop, your phone or any other device that might let you sneak on to work outside those set hours. That way you can then portion the rest of your time for your son, your dad and most importantly yourself.

    You’re not going to do anyone any favours by getting sick – in fact you’ll just make everyone’s lives immeasurabley worse. You work in an industry that is more than aware of overwork and mental health so you need to take the initiative and have a “we need to talk” conversation with your boss. You’ll probably find he doesn’t want to be answering emails, etc. outside work hours either but maybe he needs someone else to take the initiative.

    I get that work is an essential component but NO job should require you to be available 24/7 and no business wants to carry the burden of stress related works comp claims! Work during the day and spend your evenings and weekends being there for your son (even if he’s not making it at all easy for you) and your dad and all the other people you treasure in your life.

    Why am I being bolshy about all of this? Because I’m currently in the middle of trying to help a friend who has had a major mental breakdown because she didn’t stop and get help until it was too late and I wasn’t bossy enough to make her. It’s just NOT worth it.

    Ok – rant over. Feel free to call me an interferring &^*#$ as I completely I deserve it – but none of us are superheroes and no job is important enough for you to be available 24/7.

    • No way I love this!!! You are very right, it’s just hard for me to do it. I also give 150% and then it comes to be expected. It’s no one’s fault but my own that I’m available 24/7 lol. I just try to manage an unachievable workload in the only way I know how.

      Thank you for your thoughts. I know you are going through an exceptionally hard time at the moment too xxxx

  2. Judy Gillespie

    PS – feel free to delete my rant – it’s really just for you anyway and I won’t be offended 🙂

  3. Wow. You are definitely hang a tough time at the moment. But I see you are coping and finding friends and professionals to help. Your strength is being tested, yes, but it looks like you are passing the test. Thinking of you.

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