Life, love and everything in-between

A friend of mine and I were discussing relationships today. He shared the most breathtaking insight with me:

We build our lives together in a relationship. Our essences are entangled from the moment we commit to being a relationship; even after it disintegrates we carry a part of that person with us always. I suspect this is where our minds come in and do the comparison thing with what we have presently and with what we had in the past. They key here though is that the past is purely the past. Those moments will never be rekindled good or bad. All we can do is try and make the forward part better. Relationships are hard work. Stupid things get said, buttons are pushed. The beauty of it though is that despite all that we can choose to keep trying to be there for the other person and to commit fully to be a part of the relationship. The “enthusiasm” of a relationship ebbs and flows. The true “enthusiasm” of a relationship is to continue to be in the relationship despite the ebbs and flows.

It’s so true.

So often we can approach relationships with “small mind”. We keep track of every “wrong”, every slight hurt and slight. And we lose sight of our “big mind” which is nurturing our relationship as a whole, and giving our partner space to breathe and grow within the relationship. Without holding them accountable constantly for every small thing that they said, or did (or didn’t do!).

I try to always hold my relationships (romantic and platonic) with great metta. I’m not always successful, but I try to approach each person, and situation, with as much loving kindness and spaciousness as possible.

Because in the end you can’t “make” someone act or say or think the way you personally want them to. All you can do is giving them as much love and forgiveness and kindness as you can, and trust that they are doing the best they can at any given time.

Much love my friends ♥


The importance of being earnest

I was lucky to have opportunity to “clear the air” with a friend of mine this morning.  

And it really made me realise how important open and honest communication is.  Not only in friendships, but in all our relationships.

Misunderstandings and miscommunications are common.  And in the grand scheme of things, they need not become significant.  However they can without open dialogue, and mindfulness and consideration.

In each new relationship we bring traces of our previous relationships.  Our experiences and our hurts.  Our “history”.

And these often cloud over our vision.

We can read quite simple situations with a veil of false understanding and expectation.

None of us are mind readers.  (Well some of us may be, but that’s a whole other blog post 😉 )

Communication can only help in strengthening our relationships.

After all, if a friendship is worth forming, then it must be worth maintaining and caring for.

Address differences as they arise.  And if an issue does arise, then approach it with calmness and a genuine resolve and desire to work through things.  To listen to the other person’s story without making judgements or trying to defend yourself.  Be open and willing to communicate.

Chances are they may be hurting as much as you are.  Even when that hurt is displayed as anger.  After all, anger is an emotion used when we feeling vulnerable and are trying to protect ourselves from hurt.

Friendships are a separate entity that require as much love and care as we do.  

Sometimes you may find the other person is not willing to meet your open-heartedness.  At the very least though, your openness and attempt to resolve the issue with communication has softened the situation.  And you don’t know what that might lead to in the future.

It leaves the door open…