Everyday Wisdom #27

Don’t be afraid to speak out

Today’s post is dedicated to my dear friend, who revealed to me today the extent of the problem she is facing with depression since the birth of her second child.

I am very open about my struggles with depression and anxiety.  And she knew that she could talk to me and I would understand.

I don’t think that can really be overestimated – the importance of being open about our struggles and challenges.

And I don’t mean telling everyone who will stand still long enough.  

But more being willing to discuss it, and open, if the topic arises.

Sometimes you may find that people are not interested.  Or not comfortable talking about it – or listening to your story.

But sometimes you just might find you can make a difference to someone else.

Someone who is going through the same thing and just needs to talk to someone who understands.

And by talking openly – about matters such as depression and anxiety – it normalizes the experience.

Others know that it is nothing to be ashamed of.  That they have not failed in some way.  And that they too can get through it.

Talking openly promotes understanding, tolerance and hope ♥

 

Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling.
People who keep stiff upper lips find that it’s damn hard to smile.
~ Judith Guest 

Don’t worry be happy

Worry is visualizing the future in a negative way. 
If we do that, we ruin a perfectly good present moment by dwelling on an imaginary possible future. 
Done consistently, it warps a person’s ability to see reality clearly and robs them of their vitality.

 

I must admit upfront that I am a worrier – I always have been.

Although I am grateful that, thanks to my practice, I am learning to overcome the compulsion to worry obsessively.

For me, it helps to remind myself of the following:

“If you have a problem that can be fixed, then there is no use in worrying. If you have a problem that cannot be fixed, then there is no use in worrying.” – Buddhist proverb

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened” – Winston Churchill

I also try to be gentle with myself. 

I know that worry or anxiety is often my first reaction in a stressful or new situation.  But I’ve come to accept that, and stop trying to fight it.  And to stop feeling frustrated with myself.

I now take a moment to breathe, accept that I am feeling worried, and let the feeling dissipate. 

I try to be mindful of my body, and really interested in what anxiety feels like – instead of pushing it away.  I take note of the sensations – tightness and clenching in my stomach, the feeling of adrenalin racing through my body.  And interestingly those intense feelings usually last only 10 seconds or so at most.  Then they pass.  And they always do pass.

Another thing that has really helped me is accepting that sometimes I need to walk away from a situation and come back to it.   

Instead of letting the fear take over, and avoiding the problem (I have been the queen of avoidance in the past). 

I let the initial anxiety subside, then return to what was worrying me, and face it.

Eventually I realised that I cause more anxiety to myself by trying to avoid an issue, than by approaching it calmly and with an intention to handle it with kindness and love.