I was driving along in my car a couple of days ago, and contemplating life (as I often do).
And I realised that I am a much stronger person these days. Stronger on the inside and the outside.
I found out the hard way early on that I have a lot of resilience, and unfortunately I’ve found that out by going through hard times over and over and over again and picking up the pieces. Which I guess is what resilience is in a nut shell!
But in a lot of ways I was still very meek and passive. Far too much so.
I don’t know exactly when that changed, but it was quite suddenly.
I suspect it may have been the day I found out that someone was spreading lies about me and accusing me of cheating. That was the day that I finally cracked and said no more. The old me would have been upset and said nothing. The new me had some very firm and direct words to say to them.
And that’s when I learnt…
I’m not afraid to speak my mind now. I’m not afraid to say no, and to stand strong in my beliefs and stand behind my ethics.
I used to care too much what people thought of me, and of upsetting people.
And now that I am stronger I’ve noticed that I am occasionally having people upset with me. And that’s still not easy. But firstly there’s no pleasing everyone. And secondly I’ve found that I don’t want to be that “doormat” any more that tries to keep everyone happy.
I will always act ethically, and as kindly as I possibly can. But I WILL also stand behind my beliefs, and my morals. And I won’t compromise those to keep other people happy.
It is a great opportunity for me to temper this new found strength with my belief in right speech, so I’ve been very mindful of that lately – more so than usual.
Maybe this is what ‘almost 40 feels’ like 🙂