It’s been a great (and challenging) time for my practice lately.
It’s easy to ‘stay the course’ when things are going well. But it’s when things are hard that you get to really put into use what you have learned. And to also grow from the experience.
I must admit at the moment I feel that the ground is very shaky.
And I use that term as it’s one that I’ve seen often used by Pema Chodron in her great books and teachings.
She teaches that at the times when the ground is shaky, are the times that we need to lean into the experience, and to not feel scared and try to resist it.
And I am the worst for trying to resist change (if my friend Loren is reading this she will be laughing in agreement).
So right at this moment when I feel things are so unsettled I’m trying to just accept that, and not fight it.
The biggest issue I face is the knowledge that gossip is being spread about me behind my back that isn’t true (unrelated to my post from yesterday).
It’s stirred so many feelings in me – anger, betrayal, hurt, and indignation. I want to set the record straight, I want to put out every “fire” where people are being given the wrong information, and set them straight about what really happened.
However in reality I know it’s not possible. Unfortunately it’s a case where if someone throws enough mud, at least some of it will stick. And the hard truth is that there is very little I can do about it.
The people that know me well know the truth. And the people that believe the lies have absolute freedom to do that. And there’s nothing I can really do to stop it.
I can only hold my head high, and keep my dignity, and have faith in myself.
It’s a good time to really think about things though – as my blogging friend Ben Naga commented – who was the “I” that felt outraged and hurt.
It’s a great time to delve further into it (gently) to figure out why it has hurt me so much. And to perhaps let that go.
And also for me a great time to just accept the uncertainty of the moment, and maybe even embrace that.
(and in the meantime I’m feeling the love from my cat Milly :p)