Random thoughts

I’ve been very lucky to have had a time of self growth and self analysis in the last couple of months.

It was triggered by a number of events.  Largely the spectacular failure of 2 relationships last year.  But also the same advice I kept hearing over and over …. that I needed “to become stronger in myself”.

This last piece of advice was repeated frequently and from different people.  And each time I would stand puzzled thinking – exactly how does one do that?  How is that defined?

However apart from uttering those words, I was not given any other instructions or tips.

I think though I have started to understand what was being said to me.

The change has come around through a couple of key changes I have made.

One is a daily meditation practice.  Since starting this on the 1st of January (yes a new years resolution), I have noticed huge changes in myself.  I am a lot calmer and less emotional.  Events that would have had me react quickly now don’t tend to ruffle me.  I am more even-tempered.

Additionally I have decided to withdraw into myself.

In the past I have always reached out to people when I have been fearful and needed comfort.

This time I have kept my own counsel.

I have meditated, I have read, I have listened to dharma talks.  

And maybe most importantly, I have started to distance myself from toxic people and relationships.

So many times the universe gives us signs, and that is what has happened to me.  I felt like the universe was telling me to limit contact with the people who were not bringing happiness into my life.

It hasn’t been easy for me, but I felt like it was something important that I needed to do.

I read somewhere that you become like the 5 people that you most spend time with.  And that really stayed with me.  I want to be happy and positive and kind.  And it made me think about the people in my life.  And what they brought in to it.

It’s been a slow process.  But I have looked closely at all my relationships.  And I have formed new ones that are based on what I would like to have in my life.  And discontinued those that were built on a foundation of stress, drama and unhappiness.

And today I did something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time – I volunteered to work at my son’s school.

It’s something only small, but it’s given me a great deal of satisfaction, and happiness and hope.

And I’m starting to feel that maybe things are starting to turn around.

2012 was not a good year, especially the last 6 months.  And at first I blamed bad luck – I have always laughed off the events in my life as my typical bad luck.

However I’ve thought about that a lot more lately.  And perhaps I’ve created that bad luck.  By the people I’ve allowed into my life.  And the behaviour I’ve been willing to accept.

I allowed myself to be treated badly, and I was.  Spectacularly so.

I feel different now though.  

Perhaps I have finally found the inner strength that everyone has urged me to find.

And now instead of looking at recent events as “good luck”, it might be more sensible to see it as laying a foundation of more positive experiences.  

Because in the end the responsibility for my own happiness lies within me.

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19 responses to “Random thoughts

  1. Yaz

    What a lovely post. I’m so happy that the fog is clearing for you, and that you’re getting yourself together. Keep up the good work, hold on to your inner power. That’s where your true self lies after all.

    • Thank you so much Yaz, for your support and your kind words :-). Reading over this again today I’m worried it sounds a little bleak. I actually mean it as a positive thing – I feel like I am emerging as a stronger version of myself :-). Blessings, Meg

  2. After a dismal relationship breakup, I found 2012 was not a very friendly year for me as well, so with that and some other problems going on, I am still healing the wounds. It is good to hear that you take your time to heal yourself through reading and listening to dharma talks. I haven’t done dharma talks but I find meditation and reading are particularly useful. I hope you get well soon and find the happiness you’ve been looking for.

    Here’s to 2013, on our journey to find perpetual Light! 🙂

    Subhan Zein

  3. Great post, and great attitude. Here’s to a bright, beautiful and happy 2013!

  4. I am sorry that last year was not enjoyable, but now it is 2013 and it seems to be like you are on your way to making some positive changes. That is fantastic. I have gone through much of what you describe, hard times where I blamed everyone else for all that went wrong with me. In the end, assigning blame is a meaningless game because what happened happened all we can do is move on. Meditation has helped me a lot, I am relatively new to a daily commitment to meditate about two months, and I have found myself to be more centered and more productive. Even happier. I once asked myself the question, “Why am I here?” and that led to a self journey that I am sure will continue the rest of my life. Thank you for sharing this today. Really inspiring to hear someone else talk about things that have happened to you. The universe will push you down whatever path you are meant to go down. One thing I know for sure is that I wasn’t put here to be miserable, and neither was anyone else.

    • Hi Jonathan :-). Thank you so much for that very thoughtful reply. I would love to hear your thoughts more on this. Is there anything that you do apart from meditation to continue to grow and find yourself and your purpose? Blessings, Meg

      • You are so kind Meg! You don’t know what door you have opened here, I can write and talk a lot about the subject of self discovery and how my life has changed. I am on a deadline today and will be out straight, but I will have time to give you a thoughtful reply tomorrow so a more in depth reply will come then. Have a great Friday! 🙂

      • Jonathan I am so excited to read that! I am honestly very interested in what you have to say. I eagerly look forward to your reply :-). Have a lovely day, Meg

      • Hey Meg, I have written a reply. I sent it to Facebook. Thank you for the interest. I wrote a lot, but I warned you. 🙂

  5. brendamarroy

    I certainly relate to what you are writing about. My path this past year has been similar to yours. I spend much more time alone and I’m getting to know my inner Self. I’ve discovered my Source within and stand in my own counsel by trusting that source. My relationships have been and are still being pared down to non-toxic. Thank you for sharing your truth and your life with us.

  6. janine

    you are the most amazing person and mum. we soooo loved having your assistance today and your smiling face brightened our day as well. i love your strength and tenacity, that you never allow the bad treatment by others stop you from getting back up and out there living each day. I feel honoured to know you and although i may not show it outwardly look at you often and am in awe of your calmness, compassion and smile amongst the daily ups and downs. you are strong, courageous and a beautiful example of how to live authentically. Thank you xo

  7. My dearest Meg,
    I have been away for a bit but now I’m slowly making my way back. This post stood out as I was scrolling through the list of blog notices on my phone. And your honesty spoke to me across the miles. I am so sorry that things didn’t turn out as planned. And for the pain. Hugs my dear brave friend. And yet, and yet, I rejoice for the clarity of thought and the place it has brought you to because of it. Some of the lessons you have learnt here are perhaps some of life’s most precious. And not many would be able to say they came upon it and owned these truths like you have done. And for that we can only be so grateful! We are all learning through different layers of life as we go deeper into a more authentic living. You are dear to me and your sweet, tender heart is indeed being made stronger within yourself. I love what I see. Always, Shaz

    • Oh darling Shaz – you have no idea how much your heartfelt replies mean to me. You never fail to put a huge smile on my face, and make me feel very special ♥. I was literally thinking of you just as your message came through – thinking you had been quiet, and wondering how you were.

      So – how are you? How have you been? How is your life?

      Much love always,

  8. Lots of both common sense and wisdom here, I think.

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