A Buddhist path through divorce

The breakdown of my marriage, and the subsequent time afterwards, was by far the most difficult thing I have ever experienced.  It was easily the worst time of my life so far, but it was also the best.

I am enormously grateful for the experience  – because it lead to huge personal and spiritual growth.

I’m not the same person that I was beforehand.  I have been through hell, but feel like I have come out the other side with a much greater capacity for love and compassion.

I now truly understand suffering.  And I am a much better person for it.

Just after my husband left, I was lucky enough to be given a copy of “Storms Can’t Hurt the Sky” by Gabriel Cohen.  The book was fantastic, but for me, the main benefit was getting me to really look at the situation.  And make a conscious choice as to how I was going to handle it.

It would have been easy to become bitter, and nasty.

That’s not the person I am though, nor the person I wish to become.

I made the conscious decision to approach the situation with as much grace and dignity (and even love and compassion) as possible.

For the benefit of our 5 year old autistic son.  As an example to him, also he was really suffering as well, and didn’t need any extra stress to make the situation more difficult than it was.

Also out of respect to my husband, and the relationship we once had.

Those months following were a time of enormous revelations.

I feel enormously grateful for the time spent really analysing myself, and my role in the relationship.  I spent many weeks and months thinking through everything – the good and the bad.  And I made a heartfelt apology to my husband for the things I had done wrong.  It was unfortunate, but it was only through actually splitting up that I was able to see the situation, and my part in it clearly.

It’s now been 12 months (on Valentine’s Day) since my husband left.

Life is starting to return to normal – but it’s a new kind of normal.  It’s a future filled with love, and kindness and hope.

 

 

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About istopforsuffering

A page created to help spread love and kindness and positivity. Dedicated to making this world a better place, and making a difference in people's lives.

9 responses to “A Buddhist path through divorce

  1. thecbg

    It’s been 6 years since my divorce (filed on Valentine’s Day) and I completely resonate with what you have written. I chose a spiritual path of learning rather than the bitterness I see so many still stuck in. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Thank you again for your lovely comment. My heart goes out to you – it’s tough when it falls on Valentine’s Day especially. I am looking forward to reading more of your posts :-). With metta, Megan

  2. Matt W

    My first marriage ended earlier than I’d have liked and I think my Buddhist practice helped me handle it in a profoundly healthy way. I had recently watched my mother go through a bitter and awful divorce – mostly awful because of her all-consuming suffering and attachment to it. Over a dozen years later, she’s still not really over it. I took a different path and, although I loved my wife and was sad and hurt to have the marriage end, facilitated her ending it in a friendly way. We remained good friends (almost to the detriment of my next relationship) and ended up going to the beach after signing divorce papers. My next relationship made keeping that one friendly problematic unfortunately, but I’m glad I was able to get through that difficult time with the best attitude possible and without ever harboring any ill will.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can really resonate with what you wrote. My greatest wish when my husband and I split up was for us to remain friends. It took me some time though to understand that becoming friends was going to take some time – but that in the meantime we could remain friendly. He has also found it challenging, as he began a new relationship on the same day he left us (long story). It was challenging for him to juggle remaining friendly with me, whilst also juggling the needs and feelings of his new partner. But I am grateful to say it has worked out very well. I have made a great effort to be friendly with her also, as she is involved in my sons life.

      Your story is really inspirational – we could all learn a lot from it.

  3. Sometimes the greatest joy and revelation come after the most painful and tragic experiences.

    Great on you that you have turned the bitter divorce into something postive that transform your life and that of others. Keep smiling, keep shining! 🙂

    Subhan Zein

  4. Pingback: Heartfelt thanks for the the 7×7 Link Award ♥ « istopforsuffering

  5. Pingback: Living in Love Award: A Buddhist Path Through Divorce « Daring to Live in Love!

  6. Thank you for sharing your story here. It eases the pain of my own divorce process.

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