Happiness is….

Happiness is a feeling a sense of gladness, of pleasure or comfort.

However it is also a lot more than that.

Happiness is living a meaningful life.

It’s taking action on the things that truly matter in our hearts.  Living by our intentions.  Living a life that we consider valuable and worthy.

When we decide what we stand for in life, and when we act according to that – and our deepest intentions – our lives become full and meaningful.

This leads do a deep and profound sense of happiness.  One that is not fleeting.

It’s a happiness found from living a life well lived.

 

Reflections

I recently developed a habit of daily reflection.

 

Reflection on my life, and my practice – and the direction it is heading in.  

Reflection of the events of the day, and what I would do differently if I could do it over again.

Reflection of my friendships and relationships, and areas where I could improve.

 

I try to use it as a learning tool.  To help me to improve myself – to grow and gain wisdom.

I have learnt:

• Reflection helps us learn from our mistakes.  Otherwise we are destined to repeat them over and over again.  
• With reflection we can more clearly see all the things that are going right in our lives.  And really enjoy and appreciate those things – instead of letting them slip by unnoticed and uncelebrated.
• Reflection helps us to gain perspective.  That what we are stressing about is really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.  Will we remember it when we are 90?  If not, then it’s not worth stressing over.
• It assists us to keep an eye on our faults and hindrances and to keep them in check

Make time to reflect on your life – at least once per day.  

This can be done whilst exercising – walking or running.

Or as part of writing in a journal at the end of the day.  The added benefit to writing in a journal is that it records a personal learning journey, tracking and documenting an evolving understanding and wisdom.

If you are facing a difficult situation or event in your life, it can be helpful to consider the following:

• Describe the situation as objectively as possible (write it down)
• What are the assumptions that you are operating with?
• Is there another way to see this situation?
• What could you do differently?
• What can you do to create a change?

 

 

By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
Second, by imitation, which is easiest;
and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Confucius

A Buddhist path through divorce

The breakdown of my marriage, and the subsequent time afterwards, was by far the most difficult thing I have ever experienced.  It was easily the worst time of my life so far, but it was also the best.

I am enormously grateful for the experience  - because it lead to huge personal and spiritual growth.

I’m not the same person that I was beforehand.  I have been through hell, but feel like I have come out the other side with a much greater capacity for love and compassion.

I now truly understand suffering.  And I am a much better person for it.

Just after my husband left, I was lucky enough to be given a copy of “Storms Can’t Hurt the Sky” by Gabriel Cohen.  The book was fantastic, but for me, the main benefit was getting me to really look at the situation.  And make a conscious choice as to how I was going to handle it.

It would have been easy to become bitter, and nasty.

That’s not the person I am though, nor the person I wish to become.

I made the conscious decision to approach the situation with as much grace and dignity (and even love and compassion) as possible.

For the benefit of our 5 year old autistic son.  As an example to him, also he was really suffering as well, and didn’t need any extra stress to make the situation more difficult than it was.

Also out of respect to my husband, and the relationship we once had.

Those months following were a time of enormous revelations.

I feel enormously grateful for the time spent really analysing myself, and my role in the relationship.  I spent many weeks and months thinking through everything – the good and the bad.  And I made a heartfelt apology to my husband for the things I had done wrong.  It was unfortunate, but it was only through actually splitting up that I was able to see the situation, and my part in it clearly.

It’s now been 12 months (on Valentine’s Day) since my husband left.

Life is starting to return to normal – but it’s a new kind of normal.  It’s a future filled with love, and kindness and hope.